Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
