just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
