so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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