I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
