omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
