Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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