R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
