OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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