Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
