I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
