We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
