I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
