she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
