How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
