I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
