May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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