It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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