Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Drunk is a universal language darling
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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