I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
