Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
