the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
