dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
only you would photoshop your dick
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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