She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
