Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
