somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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