We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
