from now on my penis is your penis
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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