she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Also, beer. Big fan.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
