not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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