Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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