Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize