if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
