i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
