i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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