my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
