I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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