I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
