apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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