Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
