Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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