Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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