All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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