I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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