Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
