What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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