Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She bit a glass in half.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
