I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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