Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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