im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
