I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
