her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
why do cheetos always look like penises
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
