the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
