Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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