I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
