There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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