I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
