rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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