she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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