I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
