and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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