I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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