now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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