Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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