Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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